It's been 100 years since the sinking of the "unsinkable" ship, the Titanic. It's been on my mind a lot lately, probably because it's in the news, but the song from the Titanic just came on on my iPod, and I started thinking about it again. At the moment I'm so exhausted I am sitting at work, and I close my eyes and it feels like I fall instantly asleep - when I reopen my eyes, I have to struggle to focus on where I am, and what I'm doing.
The reason I bring up the Titanic is because that's what my life is right now - the unsinkable, going down. No matter whether I steer frantically left, or frantically right, I'm hitting that iceberg, and there's nothing anybody can do, but either go down with the band playing, or scramble for the lifeboats. And to be quite honest, I'm far too tired to scramble for the lifeboats. What must happen must happen. I just wish that iceberg would hit already. Any decision firstly, made right now is made in panic, and in a frame of mind not at its best, and secondly is totally futile anyway.
If there's one thing I hate in life, it's people who bitch about their lives, or their jobs, or specific things, and don't DO anything about it. So please don't get me wrong - this is NOT a post bitching about anything. In fact, this is quite the opposite - this is a post stating the obvious truths; truths I should have faced last year already. Truths I've been denying myself.
I realise this post is incredibly vague. That's okay. I just needed to write something. I kind of need to know there's SOMEBODY out there who hears me (DOES anybody hear me???). Maybe when I'm in a clearer frame of mind I can go into more details, but not now.
Right now, I'm sitting in the ballroom, listening to the band play, and watching that iceberg loom through the window. And I'm thinking of all the people I'm responsible for. I choose to give my lifeboat spot to them.
Until laters...
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